On Christ the Solid Rock I stand.

Let it sink deep and let it flood wide that I am yours and you are mine.

. . .

This depth and width can not be revealed through emotion. It is not emotionally based, it is not based on how we feel or how we don't feel. And that's why it's peace. And there we will have joy and peace that is unshaken no matter the circumstances.

There is nothing deeper than the truth that all of me is God's and the Son came just so that all of me could be God's and he could give me all of Him. Nothing is deeper, nothing is wider. Not even emotions. That's why it is not emotion based. Emotions are fleeting. This truth so deep ans so wide is not fleeting and it is unchanging. It is solid like a rock, surpassing all circumstances. That's why we stand on it. That's how we're content in it.

Dear Melanie,

I'm proud of you. It's hard to make decisions about where to live. It's hard to choose between two groups of people and two completely different places. You were brave to come out here and you're brave to go back. I can't imagine. It's hard, it's so hard to pick something. I'm realizing how brave you are because I think I'm moving back to my family in Colorado too. Not now, but in June after my internship. It's hard though. I'm scared to death. I'm scared of losing everything I've gained here. I'm 100% a different person than when I moved here. Literally 100% different. I can't imagine going back to a place that was so spiritually suffocating. But I know if God wants me there for real, it won't be spiritual suffocating.
I came to Austin for a church, you came for a job. And I can't imagine how hard that would be to come here without knowing you had a church family here. My whole family is in Colorado, but it's hard to imagine going back without knowing there's a church family there for me. But as I type this I'm convicted bc I know there is one. God will provide if that's where he really wants me *sigh* so that has to settle me and steady me.
I'm scared of becoming who I used to be again. "Who I am hates who I've been". Ha. Classic Relient K line :)
But really, that's what I'm scared of! Uh, convicted again. I have to trust God's work in me. I have to trust. I have to. Or else I'll never follow God in life, I have to have faith and I have to trust.
So this is it. I think God is calling me back to Austin. And so I'm realizing you're brave Melanie. Because this is hard, really hard. Wish me luck.

Reading in Hindsight

It started when I was at my rock bottom. I was kneeling on the floor during a worship conference and it all started with one question, “Do you trust Me?”

“No, I don’t think so.”

“Well, will you go to Austin, Texas?”

“Yes.”

“Then you trust Me. And I won’t ask anything else of you until then.”

Now I’m here. I’m in Austin, Texas like I promised I would be. I don’t why or how I trusted God with this one thing, but I am so glad I did. So I graduated early, packed my bags and moved away from my family a week after school at only 17.

I’m so glad I did it. I’m so glad I came.

I know I’m not the same person I was when I came. I’m so glad I’m not.

I knew coming here would mean full surrender and full commitment. When I promised God at 16 that I would come, I was terrified of full surrender, commitment and being changed from the inside out. I knew I’d have to give up my life and my desires. I never thought I would be so ready and excited for it all when the time came. But I was. I was very enthusiastic about my move. Not just because I liked moving, but because it was a physical representation of leaving my old life behind and following Christ. My 16 year old self would’ve never imagined that just a year and a half later I would be so excited about following Christ. But I was. And I still am.

I’m still following Christ. He is still changing me and leading me every day. And right now I can feel him leading me somewhere else again.

Back to Colorado.

Back to where I came from.

I used to think Austin was it. Like moving here, surrendering here and being here was some kind of finish line. But there is something ahead so much greater than my one big leap of faith at 17.

Because that was only the firsts step.

Now I know there is always more. Always something greater. And I’m on an adventure with Christ. I’m following Him as He leads me to all the next great things.

He’s just writing my story. And I’m just reading. But I can only read it clearly in hindsight.

So here I am, reading this past chapter in hindsight. And I know it’s time to take another big leap of faith.

Going back where I came from will indeed be a big leap of faith. There are so many fears intertwined with going back. It will take bravery to leave this place and trust that it is God who did this work in me, not this city and not my church.

But if He is calling me out upon the waters again, I will go. 

'A true war story has no morale'

I just watched a movie where 4 out of 5 of the main characters died a brutal death. And of course as in any good movie, I was already in love with all the main characters as if they were people I knew personally. Safe to say, it was not an uplifting movie. But I should have seen that coming when I realized it was a WWII movie.
I've read and am re-reading a book called 'The Things They Carried' by Tim O'Brien. It's a book full of the author's personal war experiences from Vietnam. He quotes a close friend of his saying, "A true war story has no morale."
I didn't understand that until I watched this movie.
I was so thrown off when the movie ended with one main character surviving, alone. God brought me to that movie tonight and so of course at the end I couldn't help asking why. I asked, "What was the point? Why did you want me to see this? That was horribly depressing."
The movie didn't even go anywhere in the end. . . And that was the point. The point was there was no morale. And that hit me like a ton of bricks.
4 out of 5 main characters died. The characters I was already in love with. And the one I loved the most, survived. He survived alone and traumatized. And that's the point. The main character didn't go anywhere. He came in the beginning of the movie feeling defeated and hopeless. Then he left the same way.
Despair, hopelessness, heartbreak, bitterness, anger, depression-all of it. It doesn't go anywhere.
And that's what hit me tonight like a ton of bricks.
This morning I had a conversation with friends about the head knowledge I have that knows God's joy and peace is deeper and wider than any sorrow. But it's not deeper. It is just deep. Because there is no depth to sorrow. None at all.
Sorrow, despair, hopelessness, heartbreak, bitterness, anger, depression- none of it has depth. It's flat. It's thin. It's shallow. It's not less deep, because there is no depth at all.
It's repetitive.
It's repetitive because it's shallow.
It just doesn't go anywhere.
So what was the point of the movie? It didn't even go anywhere. It felt hopeless at the beginning and the end. Sure there was some rise and fall in between. But ultimately, it went no where.
And that was the point.
It was God's way of slapping me across the face. . . Gently, of course. . . To tell me that my sorrow, my despair, my hopelessness-everything I'm addicted to and comfortable in-it's all shallow. It all goes nowhere.
Nowhere except for death.
But Jesus came so that we could have life abundantly. How is it abundant? Because His life is deep! And it is wide! And joy and peace are deep and wide. It will all flood our hearts if we let it. It will take us deeper than we could ever swim on our own.
Or we can spin round and round in our own hurricane that goes nowhere.
It's why people like Taylor Swift write the same songs on every album about different people. Her heartbreak is shallow. So naturally, it is repetitive. It's ultimately going nowhere.
But we don't have to go nowhere. We can go some where.
In fact, the director of this movie is a Christian. One of the main characters was a strong Christian man. The movie had Christ references through out and Christian beliefs and morals.
I'd be really interested to know what the director meant for the point of the movie to be. But it just goes to show how infinite God is. One thing He creates can speak in so many different ways. It doesn't matter what the director meant. The movie did something in my heart, because God used it for his purposes to prevail. How? Because God is infinite.
God is not flat. He is not shallow or thin. He is not repetitive. He is not in a box.
God is deep and wide. He is vast and breathtaking. He is infinite. If we follow him, where we go will always have purpose.

Ecclesiastes 3:11

1) That's Mount Princeton on my back. It's one of the many >14,000 ft mountains in Colorado. One of the best views of Mount Princeton and it's two sub peaks is from Salida, Colorado. I grew up going camping each year in Salida, Colorado, we would stay in a trailer and drive 30 minutes from the trailer each morning to the nearest ski resort. When my parents got divorced we stopped going there every year. I was 6 or 7 when they got divorced, nine years later God has done a tremendous amount of redemption and restoration in my family that first broke when I was a little girl. Ecclesiastes 3:11 says, "God has made all things beautiful in it's own time." That proves to be so true in my life because of what I have seen God do in my family. My parent's friendship has been restored, my brother and I's relationship has been reconciled and I have two amazing step-siblings that I wouldn't trade for anything. God has and is making my family beautiful in it's own time.

2) This tattoo is on the left because you read a book left to right and the testimony it tells is just the beginning of all else God is going to do. Also, Ecclesiastes 3:11 says, "God has placed eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what He has done from beginning to end." The work God has done in the first 18 years of my life is just the beginning. It is a small part of all that God is and a small part of my whole life. Even though it is small, it is so glorious. So I should keep praising him for the past, but also keep looking forward to what he is going to do next. Isaiah 43:19 says, "Behold , I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?" This tattoo is so small on my much bigger back, but that's because the story it tells is so small compared to eternity and all of God's purposes.

STOP worrying. START dreaming.

"He is the original dreamer,"

- 'The Vision' by Peter Grieg

The Lord says: 'Trust My provision. Trust My protection.'"

The LORD is my Shepard, I lack nothing."- Psalm 23:1

'Call upon My Name! For I am yours, I belong to you. All that I have to give belongs to you!'

"And do not seek what you will eat and what you will drink, and do not keep worrying. For all these things the nations of the world eagerly seek; but your Father knows that you need these things. But seek His kingdom, and these things will be added to you. Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has chosen gladly to give you the kingdom."- Luke 12:29-32

The Lord continues: 'Don't put your expectations in man! I will finish the hopes, expectations and dreams I put in your heart!'

 "Delight in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart."- Psalm 37:4

“. . .Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”- Philippians 1:6

'There is no faith without risk. I am the One who called you here. I provided the way for you to get here and have been your provision here. Don't stop now! Even if you took a wrong turn, do you really think I wouldn't follow you to come after you? Not just to make sure you're okay, but yo bless you and work there with you!'

“For we are laborers together with God: you are God's field, you are God's building.”- 1 Corinthians 3:9

'Why would I ever leave you alone? It is my promise to never forsake you. My promises do not change! I am "Emmanuel"-"God with you"! I was with you every time you really took a wrong turn!'

"So He told them this parable saying, "What man among you if he has a hundred sheep and has lost one of them does not leave the ninety-nine in the open pasture and go after the one which is lost until he finds it? When he has found it, he lays it on his shoulders, rejoicing. And when he comes home, he calls together his friends and his neighbors, saying to them, 'Rejoice with me, for I have found my sheep which was lost!"- Luke 15:3-6

'When you were running in the opposite direction of Me I sent My best in after you - Jesus and the Holy Spirit - how much more so will you have My best of the best when you are trying to follow Me?'

“He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all--how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?” - Romans 8:32

'I brought you here! Now you get to explore this land you let Me take you to! My best will always be with you. In fact, this place I have brought you to is My best of the best for you! I will always give you My best of the best! All of Me loves all of you-  I am infinite, I will never run out and My love is unchanging!'

"I will declare that your love stand firm forever, that you have established your faithfulness in heaven itself."- Psalm 89:2

“Cause all of me, loves all of you.” - ‘All of Me’ by John Legend

So it is; we should stop worrying because God is our Shepard guiding us and giving us the best of the best. But is it enough to just not worry? No, God wants us to dream! And to create! To explore, discover, adventure and co-labor with Him for the glory of the kingdom!

“For in him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things have been created through him and for him.” - Colossians 1:16

“Then God said, "Let us make mankind in our image, in our likeness,” - Genesis 1:26

Having been made in the image of and likeness of the Creator of the universe it is only natural that we can and should create too! And we should dream big dreams! Because God can do the big things and fulfill the 'impossible' dreams!

 "Don’t be overwhelmed. He’s beautiful, he’s capable. He’s bigger than your dreams—exceedingly, abundantly.” - ‘Don’t be Overwhelmed’ by Sean Feutch

"He said, 'Look at you, worrying so much about things you can't change. You'll spend your whole life singing the blues if you keep thinking that way,' He was trying to skip rocks on the ocean, saying to me, 'Don't you see the stralight, starlight? Don't you dream impossible things?' . . . Ooh, ooh, he's talking crazy. Ooh, ooh dancing with me. Ooh, ooh we could get married. Have ten kids and teach them how to dream!" - 'Starlight' by Taylor Swift

The craziest thing about that cheesy T-Swift song is that there's a better version, and true version, of it in the Bible. Say whaaaaat? 

“Abram was ninety-nine years old when the LORD appeared to him again . . . I promise that you will be the father of many nations . . . Abraham bowed with his face to the ground and thought, “I am almost a hundred years old. How can I become a father? And Sarah is ninety. How can she have a child?” So he started laughing . . . But God answered: No! You and Sarah will have a son. His name will be Isaac, and I will make an everlasting promise to him and his descendants.” - Genesis 17:1-19

Rocky Mountains Born and Raised

When I was in 7^th grade I would raise my hand in class and ask if I could go use the restroom. I wouldn't really go to the bathroom. I would walk to the doors at the end of the hallway and stare out the windows. I would stare out at the mountains far away and the neighborhood right in front of me. I hated it all. I associated the beautiful Rocky Mountains with all of my family’s tragedies. I would stare out at the street roads and daydream about running away. I would think; Maybe tonight I’ll pack a bag with money, clothes and food to runaway tomorrow. I never did runaway, but for years I wanted to out of bitterness towards my family and the mountains.To the right is the view I grew up with from my back porch (stunning, I know). I know it’s not the mountain’s fault my family was so broken, I never really thought a mountain could be to blame. I guess I always just wondered what it would've been like if I had grown up somewhere else. Maybe if I had grown up on a beach my parents wouldn't have gotten divorced, naive to think, I know, but I was young and naive. So that’s what I thought, and that’s why my bitterness towards my broken family was associated with the mountains. Countless times throughout middle school and high school I dreamed of leaving and never coming back. I wanted to get out of that town and be done with my past. My eighth grade year I thought that one day when I finally got to leave it would be like revenge towards my ex-step-mom. I always thought to myself; One day I’ll drive away and never look back, just like she did to me and my dad. During my junior year of high school I had a somewhat serious boyfriend. I told him I wanted to move after high school and he never really believed in me because he wanted to get married and live in the mountains together. When we broke up I remember thinking; I’ll get out of this town just like he never thought I could. Countless times my dreams of leaving Colorado were about bitterness.

The last 6 months in Colorado before I moved to Austin God completely redeemed my heart towards my home town in Colorado; Colorado Springs. I am beyond proud of where I come from. The mountains are beyond beautiful and I am love with my family—no matter how broken. Today I am on a plane headed back to Colorado Springs to visit my family and I could honestly cry because I am so filled with joy to visit my home town. My heart is literally jumping with excitement in my chest in excitement to see Pikes Peak! If that is not redemption, I don’t know what is. I used to cry when I looked at Pikes Peak and I would think; I hate that stupid mountain. I never would've dreamed God could redeem my heart and family so much; but He really has! And I am in awe!

Rainbow Lily!

My rainbow lily tattoo started with the desire for a tattoo of a rainbow. As I laid the desire for a rainbow tattoo at the feet of Jesus, he slowly transformed my vision for the tattoo. It started with the desire for a rainbow because of a rainbow's beauty, but also because of what they represent. Rainbows represent God's promise not to flood the Earth again and his covenant with his creatures, "And God said, 'This is the sign of the covenant I am making between me and you and every living creature with you, a covenant for all generations to come" (Genesis 9:12). Rainbows also symbolize redemption. After a fierce storm a rainbow always comes out to make the sky beautiful again; the rainbow redeems the storm and when God flooded the Earth it was his attempt to redeem mankind. Other revelations I have about rainbows go on and on:
God told me I am a rainbow because I am redeemed.
There are seven colors of a rainbow and we live in a seven day week because the Earth was created in seven days (including the day of rest, I know) and so God does not redeem some of creation or some of our lives, but all, all seven days!
Our sin is like the storm that God redeems.
God wanted to rescue mankind and make them holy again, that's why he flooded the Earth. But he also wants to cherish us, that's why he promised never to flood the Earth again.

So those are most of my rainbow revelations and all that rainbows mean to me. The beginning of transformation for this tattoo was during my time serving on the kids team one Sunday at church. I was coloring with a little girl and wanted to draw her a flower. So I asked the little girl what her favorite color was, she looked up at me, bright-eyed and grinning she said, "All of them."
I had been praying so much at this point about my tattoo idea, so you can imagine my joy in hearing that response. I took it as a reply from God that he approved of me getting a rainbow tattoo and then I proceeded to draw the little girl a rainbow flower.

During worship in the next service it occurred to me that I could get the rainbow I wanted in a flower, to me this was the Holy Spirit. And so I could picture it in my head; a rainbow flower tattoo . . . But what kind of flower?

Well I wasn't sure what kind of flower just yet, but I already knew what a flower in general meant to me, so I started journaling about them during service. I wrote that flowers represent life, and beautiful life. They symbolize growth and roots. Then I thought of this verse, "The grass withers and the flowers fall, but the word of our God endures forever" (Isaiah 40:8). That made me think that a flower tattoo would not wither because a tattoo is forever on my skin just as the word of God is eternal and does not perish, (I know that tattoos don't stay perfect forever because our skin ages, but the point is it's there forever).

At home I went onto Blue Letter Bible and looked up flowers in the Bible and the most common flower in the Bible is a Lily! So I instantly decided on a lily without know what they meant for sure yet. When I did finally look up what a lily symbolized I learned two major things: lilies represent purity and the Lily of the Valley in Song of Songs 2:1 is sometimes a symbol for Christ.I was stunned when I learned they represented purity! The word 'purity' pretty much sums up the season I've been in for the past four months. My mind was set, I would get a rainbow lily tattoo.

So the rainbow means a lot on its on and so does the lily. However, together they mean several other things. The rainbow represents promise and the lily represents beautiful life, so it is a promise for life and life abundantly (John 10:10). Another way is represents life and life abundantly is because God doesn't just forgive our sin for us to try on our own again, it is not like pulling all the weeds out of a field and then letting the weeds grow again. God pulls out our weeds, our sin, to make us clean again and then plants a beautiful garden--that is grace, freedom and abundant life!
The rainbow came after God flooded the Earth in attempts to redeem mankind and Jesus was the Lily of the Valley who has redeemed mankind, so in a sense a rainbow lily is the story of a Father's love to redeem us and make us holy again!
The rainbow represents a covenant and the word of God stands firm forever, unlike flowers of the field but a tattoo flower is forever, and so together that represents that my covenant with God is unchanging and will not wither.
The colors of a rainbow are beautiful and flowers bloom brand new again each year just as God makes us new and beautiful over and over again!
Sometimes I get a new meaning for it each day. Yesterday it meant freedom. I was looking at it in the sunlight and it was at its brightest. It reminded me of how when we live in the light of Christ we are at our best; in the light of Christ we are truly free and truly alive.
Today it reminded me of prayer. In Heaven there is a rainbow over the thrown of God (Revelation 4:3) and Jesus (Lily of the Valley) is at the right hand of the throne of God interceding for us (Romans 8:34)) and so today it inspired me to be heartfelt about all my prayers.

So to sum it up, this little rainbow lily means to me grace, freedom, redemption, rescue, love and prayer.

I would not be surprised if this one little tattoo had a new meaning every single day for the rest of my life. Our God is infinite, he will make it infinitely meaningful.

Little, Rebel Sheep

Rebel Sheep-
Why do you cry?
Put down the blade,
Put down the razor.
Take your finger 
Out of your mouth.
Rebel Sheep-
Wipe your tears,
Rebuke the lies
And insecurities.
Rebel Sheep-
Do not suffer any longer.

You're suffering-
Already taken.
You're punishment-
Already bestowed upon.
Your faults, 
Your mistakes,
Already dealt with.

Rebel Sheep-
The taken suffering,
Is not taken by you.
Rebel Sheep-
The punishment,
Was not bestowed upon you.
Your faults, 
Your mistakes
Not dealt with own your own.

Rebel Sheep-
You have missed the beauty
In the unbeautiful.
You have missed the delight 
In the pain.
He had no beauty.
He had no majesty.
He of suffering,
He of pain-
Has taken it all.

The lies,
The insecurities,
The suffering,
The tears at night,
The chill of loneliness.
The blade,
The blood, 
The cuts.
The bruises
On your knuckles.
He took it all away.

By his wounds,
We are healed.
By his suffering,
We are forgiven.
We are made new.
We are free.

Oh, Rebel Sheep-
You are just Little Sheep,
You are Beautiful Sheep,
You are Innocent sheep.

What was painful,
What was tearful,
What was crimson red, 
Is white as snow.

Oh Little Sheep,
Come home.

Come home,
Your debt is paid.

New Blog Coming!

It's about depression. 

It's about how depression will suffocate a person.

It's about stopping depression and suffocation. 

It's about prevention.

It's about preventing suicide.

It is about hope. 

I can not promise someone hope without promising them Jesus, because Jesus is hope and hope is Jesus. Authentic and pure hope that real people need comes from Jesus and ONLY Jesus.

It's about loving the unlovable.

It's about grace.

It's about patience. 

It's about prayer. 

It's about the love of a Father and a Savior.

It is John 13:34.  

"A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another."

Stop Suffocating. Prevent it. Because there is HOPE. 

Redemption of Family and Songs

      I started writing lyrics around the same time my parents got divorced. I was 6 or 7 when they got divorced and I started writing songs as soon as I was capable of writing at all. I know I was young because I remember writing songs as young as third grade. But also because every now and then when I clean out a closet I find tarnished pieces of paper with 2nd grader chicken scratches; words that are far from spelled write, but very phonetic. I had melodies, verses, choruses and bridges. I didn't have those names for it, but I left several spaces between a few lines of words at a time. I remember the day I learned the word "Chorus" and I was soooo excited to finally have a name for the section that was always repeated three or four times in a song ( because "the section that is repeated multiple times" is way too long a name). I also remember the days I learned the words 'verse' and 'bridge'. When I didn't know the word 'verse' for sections 1 and 2 I called them 'parts'. There was 'part 1, 'part 2' and 'part 3' was typically the bridge. With every new word I was ecstatic to finally have a name for the things I was already writing. I also remember when I learned how to say, "I write lyrics" instead of, "I write words for songs". So the point is I've been writing lyrics for quiet awhile and since I was very little.
     I don't think it's any coincidence that Is tarted writing lyrics right after my parent's divorce. Sometimes I wonder if I would've ever started writing if my parents hadn't gotten divorce. I think I would've because I am sure that something else tragic would've happened at some point to spark it, but I think it would've just been a lot later on. I think I needed that tragic experience to begin writing. I think the depth of emotion I felt at such a young was so deep and complicated I had no idea how to express it. I think I picked up a pen and paper and started writing words (that were not at all spelled correctly) and suddenly the words sounded more like singing in my head than talking. I remember I wrote about vague mysterious things that I didn't really understand, writing stuff like "I look up at the stars and wonder". It's like my subconscious knew that everything going on around me was too big and great for me to understand, but I think I also had some idea that everything going on around me was somehow controlled by something even more greater that I couldn't understand. I'm not a children's psychologist so I don't know what was really going on my head, especially my subconscious. I just know what I remember. And I remember writing about things I didn't even understand. I remember being in third or fourth grade and writing about break ups. That doesn't even make sense, I had never been through one. I think I just knew that sometimes things don't work out in life; sometimes puzzle pieces that look like thy fit together really don't. I think that's how I saw my parent's divorce; as some vague, mysterious concept I didn't understand, I just knew that two people who looked like they went together all of a sudden no longer did go together.
    I believe that my parent's divorce was like a key to unlock a box of many songs. I think something tragic that I didn't understand had to open up a box inside me to start writing. Because it was something tragic that had to unlock that box many of my songs since then have been sad. I also struggled with depression since my parent's divorce. Through elementary school, middle school and high school I have felt things on a ridiculously deep level. A splinter could feel like a third degree burn. So then I would write about my splinters like they were third degree burns. By that I mean if a guy didn't like me back in middle school, I could go home and write a song about it as if I was going through my first heart break and break up.
    Now I'm going to start getting to the bigger point of this story; redemption. For me; in my head, my life, in my perspective I believe that my song writing has redeemed my parent's divorce. Today it is redeemed, not in middle school when I was writing about depressing stuff. You see my parent's divorce lead to me feeling something so deep I couldn't understand it at a young age, so I started writing. The divorce also lead to my depression though so my writing became pretty sad and complicated stuff. Today in my walk with God he has completely redeemed my song writing. And because my song writing is redeemed, so is my depression and my parent's divorce. Actually, each of their other divorces are redeemed too. My dad got remarried when I was in sixth grade and my mom got remarried when I was in 8th grade. I saw both divorces coming because of all the fighting. My dad got divorced at the end of 8th grade and my mom got divorced the end of my Freshmen year. With so much divorce and fighting I believe that just continued to keep my song writing in the dumps. I didn't believe in love for years because of all that happened in my family.
    So the redemption is this; for years I didn't believe in love because of what happened in my family, today I write love songs for Jesus because of what he has done in my life. I used to write dramatic break up songs in middle school and high school because I felt everything on such a deep level, today I write lyrics about the depth of God and his faithfulness. It's amazing that when I doubted love, trust and faithfulness the most God showed me his unconditional and everlasting love, faithfulness and trustworthiness the most. Today I write songs that redeem my past and my family's history. I am raw and real with God because he understands my past.
   I wrote a song called 'You Have Me' when I was a Freshmen and I had my mom's and dad's second divorces in mind when I wrote it. The first verse says,
"In this world people come and people go, but I don't wanna be the one to go. God I want to stay with you."
Then I write, "Promises are broken, but yours are never broken. And I don't want to be the one to break. I want you to have me wholeheartedly."
   I am writing about my step-mom and step-dad coming and going during the re-marriages and second divorces. I'm talking about broken marriage vows when I write about promises being broken and God knows that because he sees my heart. He knows my family's history and better yet he understands. It says in Hebrews 4:15 that Jesus emphasizes with us. How wonderful! This song in itself redeems so much that I went through; people coming and going because of broken promises. All the people that came and went and all the broken promises used to make me bitter; I thought I would always do the same things, walk away and break promises. But Jesus understood my pain and redeemed my heart! Today the coming and going and broken vows make me stronger! They stir in my heart a desire to never walk out on someone I am committed to, especially Jesus. And they give me a burning desire to stay true to any vows and promises I make; especially my vows to Jesus.
    I believe I had to go through something tragic that I would feel to a depth I didn't understand for my music box to be unlocked. I think God purposely gave me a music box to be unlocked. I think in a 'Perfect Earth' (like the Garden of Eden in Genesis 1) God would've unlocked my box in an un-painful way, but we don't live in that 'Perfect Earth'. So when God saw that my parents were going to get divorced he decided to use it for good and turn me into a lyric-writing-machine. At first my songs weren't worship for him, they were sadness and bitterness. But even sad and bitter songs can sound beautiful. A sad situation can be redeemed through a beautiful sad song, but God wanted to take it farther than a beautiful sad song. So he redeemed my heart and my writing, so now I write worship songs for him. But because of my past, my songs are more personal they would've been without a sad past. They aren't just "Holy, Holy, Holy is the Lord God Almighty" (there is nothing wrong with that), but I can speak to God personally through my music and he understands me. My broken past that I am still overcoming some days just gives me an opportunity to be closer to God in different ways because God is in the brokenness and beautiful redemption comes from brokenness and hurting. Also, because I felt such sadness on a deep and intense I can now feel God's love and glory on that same deep and tense level.
    This is living redemption. We serve a God who redeems. Hallelujah.

Experimenting

Guard Your Heart

"Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it." 

- Proverbs 4:23

I have a clear picture in my head of being 15 years old in church and seeing a fiery women of God stand up on a stage and yell, "Girls! We have to guard our hearts!" I remembering thinking, "Yeah! That's right, preach it!" I also remember not really having any idea about what she meant though. I didn't know what the practically looked like to guard my heart, do I just put my hands on my chest? No, of course not, I'd look silly. It's not literal in a physical way. It is literal in an emotional and spiritual way. So what does it really mean to "guard our hearts" and how do we do that?

God has given me some revelations on what it means so I am going to share that today. We need to guard our hearts from both people and things. We are in a covenant with God right? In Jeremiah 31:33 God says, "This is the covenant I will make with the people of Israel after that time," declares the LORD. "I will put my law in their minds and write it on their hearts. I will be their God, and they will be my people." The most common Hebrew word in the Old Testament for "covenant" is 'berith', a word of uncertain derivation. It seems to come from either the Hebrew verb 'to cut' or from the Assyrian word 'to bind'.  A lot of scholars and theologians have thought these words through and have come to their own conclusions. What I think though is that we are in a covenant of bondage to God, which requires some cutting away of ourselves. Or perhaps you could call it, cutting off our selves to give ourselves to God. God calls us to guard our hearts because our hearts are in a covenant with him! We cannot give our heart to something or someone else when we have already "cut it off", so to speak, and bound it to His heart. If you're visual, just think about literally doing that with real hearts. . . That would be so messy and yucky! All the verses about not committing adulatory (Exodus 20:14) or worshiping other idols (Exodus 34:14, Leviticus 26:1) go hand in hand with guarding our hearts. God is asking us to not give our hearts away, create covenant, bind ourselves up or give ourselves away to other things or people. 

To put it more simply and practically all of this means do not give pieces of your heart away to things you love that our unworthy of your heart. Do not love your Spotify account so much that your heart is in it, same with; your makeup, your size jeans, your hair or your smart phone. These things sound so dumb, and you're thinking, "Ha! I would not give my heart to my hair or my smartphone!" But I am telling you now that we live in a society full of idols like these that we are committing adultery with in the most suttel ways. We do not even notice we put our heart in something until it is taken away. I broke my smartphone and had a melt down! I cut my hair short and thought I was ugly for two weeks. I am telling you, these idols are sneaky. That is just what Satan does, is be sneaky. Thank God for everything you have that you love, thank Him for your clothes are for your smartphone. Praise Him for it and remind yourself everything we have is really from God and not ours. That way when it disappears your heart was not attached to it, but attached to God. 

We also need to guard our heart from people sometimes, especially in school. I think Church community is a less guarded place, but I am telling you I wish I would've guarded my heart so much more during school. So many guys and girls I made covenants with without even knowing it and it hurt so much when they left. There are ways to love people without giving them a piece of your heart and you have to ask the Lord to guide you on how to do that. We can not put up walls in fear of everyone. We have to be real with people without letting our emotions get attached and giving ourselves away. God is a lamp to our feet, right? (Psalm 119:105) So we can also ask him to shine a light on the people we come across. He will speak to us who we can let in more than others and he will show you who your brothers and sisters in Christ are. Those brothers and sisters are people we can attach to, lean on and trust in.

Now, just two more things. Luke 6:45 says, "A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of." This means you can tell where your heart is based on what you say. I have friends who aren't Christians who constantly talk about their hair and makeup. I can tell their heart is completely absorbed in vanity because of the way they talk. It's like if a girl only talks about her boyfriend, she has probably given a lot of her heart to him. 

Matthew 6:22 says, "The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are healthy, your whole body will be full of light." So another way to guard your heart is to guard your eyes. Do not think you can watch whatever you want and be pure on the inside. Be careful what movies you watch, you think "oh it's okay, there is only one sex scene." But, it can still mess with you, trust me, I am a victim of this too and still working on it. It is sneaky how Satan as used such "small" things in our society to try and unbind us from God. He wants to take back that cut of ourselves we gave to God and have it commit adultery, but we must guard our covenant with God. But He will light the way for you if you just ask.

 

Dreaming at the Feet of Jesus

My Sophomore year of High School I took a photography class after years of messing around on the camera since 8th grade. I wish I hadn't stopped after that class, I could be even better now. This week my best friend from Colorado was in town visiting and she had some homework to do for a similar photography class at school. So I took her some places we could take pictures here in Austin! To say the least, I had a blast! I felt alive and excited in the midst of all the picture taking. Why did I ever stop? It really got my thinking about all of my "lost dreams". When I first committed my life to Christ in 8th grade (before walking away from the Lord my Sophomore year and then re-committing my Senior year) I had certain dreams stir in my heart. I always said I wanted to move to Austin, TX (done!) and I wanted to be a worship leader. I wanted to record songs for an album and also be a worship pastor at a Church! Later in High School I remember wanting to be a photographer and a writer. I also remember saying one day, "If I could do anything with my life I would prevent teen suicide." It's interesting that I am still passionate about every single one of these things. I want to do all of this. I already moved to Austin (YAY!) and I'm definitely a writer--I got two blogs; one of those blogs is about depression, so that's to prevent suicide. I still want to do more photography and more with music! It's so weird to me that there is not one direction I am going in. Some people chase after just photography or just nursing--whatever it is they're passionate about! And that's great, I guess I'm just passionate about too much to decide on one thing. I have decided today to put all my passions in the Lord's hands. Everything I am passionate about, He is also passionate about and He is the one who gave me those passions. So I am going to give them back, I want Him to use these passions in me for His glory, not mine.

People always tell us to chase our dreams. I'm thinking right now that perhaps we shouldn't chase them, but we should let them go. We should let them go at the feet of Jesus. If it is also His dream for us, He will give it back and He will show us the way to succeed in it. If it is a dream not from Him, He will take it and replace it with something that is from Him. Any success in our dreams should be glory to God, not glory to us and the way to do that is to give the dream back to God and let Him lead you to it. I'm doing that today, I am laying down my dreams and passions to make sure they are right with His heart. I am willing to pursue whatever He calls me to, and He will make my success perfect, not me. All we have to do is be willing, and He will finish what He started in us and make it perfect.

Philippians 1:6 "And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Jesus Christ."
Psalm 37:4 "Delight in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart."

Here are some of the pictures I took this week. . .

What are we living for?

In mid January I started working for a  non-profit organization promoting nutrition and fitness in Texas. I worked as an after-school program instructor at elementary schools all over Austin. The goal of their lesson plans and curriculum is for these kids to eat healthy and be active. I recently resigned from my position after working there for only two months because I found a new job. I have to admit though that I am happy to leave this organization, and not just because my new job pays more. During my short time as an after-school instructor something was stirred in my heart as I got to know these kids and continued teaching them health facts; "Who cares this much about all this health-stuff? I don't want to raise up a generation of nutritionists or marathon runners, I want to raise up a generation of disciples. Taking care of your temple will come along on its own!" and those are the exact words that have been stirring in my heart and mind recently.
Today I went to this organization's office to turn in my equipment (they distribute equipment for the games to play at the schools) which is in North Austin so it's nearly a thirty minute drive from where I live. When I got there I saw that the office had ordered in Jason's Deli for everyone. It didn't seem like a special occasion, they did it at my training too. I thought, "They're successful enough to order in all this food, that's impressive I guess." But then something stirred in me on my long drive home today, "Sure they are successful when they look at their checkbook, the amount of food they can buy to share and the number of students they are reaching in the after-school program, but where is their substance?" The 'substance' I’m referring to is the substance of true life. It is life and life abundantly, the life that breathed life into dust and the life inside living water.
Our foundation for everything we do must be built on this substance of life and living water. I fully believe in chasing your dreams, setting goals and always moving forward in general. I do not think we should sit on our bottoms until we hear a still small whisper about where to go and what to do. We must get out and we must get doing and then God will tell us when to turn. It's like we push the gas pedal and holds the steering wheel. So if our foundation is built upon true life and living water then our purpose must also be for true life and living water. Although we continue moving forward in our work, no matter what that looks like, our ultimate desire and purpose must be for true life.If that is true then as we continue working whenever God turns the wheel we know we won't jerk it back because our desire is for the life He will bring in turning the wheel. As God steers and brings us to places of success, it will not be empty success. The success will have substance of true life because our God of life was leading the way.

I see God in all the simple, pretty things.

A bakery called 2tarts located in New Braunfels, Texas. Stumbled upon it's cuteness tonight :)

It Is Finished

On the cross Jesus said, "It is finished" (John 19:30). For quit awhile I have looked at bows and thought of that verse, thought of those words on the cross, it is a revelation Jesus shared with me because He knew I thought bows were pretty. Now I don't just think bows are pretty, but I praise God for them, they are a lovely reminder. Here's why; When Jesus came to Earth in human form it was to come and tie the lose ends of our stories together. So now every time I walk into my room
and see my glittering bow decor, I am reminded in such a beautiful way that "it is finished", I am forgiven and God is victorious.
<-- A few bows in my bedroom

So bows constantly remind me of the same truth, "It is finished", but sometimes God brings to light something specific that is finished. For example, my identity. At one point pretty recently I was struggling with my identity in the Kingdom of Heaven because I knew the Lord called me and made me pure, but I struggled with believing it. I thought, "How can be pure and innocent after all that I've done?" I had a vision one day of white bow on my head. This was God's way of actually crowing me with purity. The color white represented purity. The bow was interwoven with gold because gold also represents purity (after gold goes through fire it is in its purest form). The middle knot of the bow was also covered in jewels and these jewels represented beauty, worth, value and royalty. Because of all of this was in one bow sitting on top of my head, this was God's way of saying to me, "Your identity is finished."

There is one more specific thing God has brought to light that is finished. First let me tell you a little bit about rainbows. After God flooded the Earth a rainbow came out He promised to never flood the Earth again, rainbows represent both God's promises and redemption. The flood was God's way of redeeming the Earth because people had become so bad, and a beautiful rainbow coming out of a horrible storm is redeeming the storm. I got a picture from God recently that looked like this:

This picture is a reminder that God's redemption is finished. He redeemed the world through Jesus Christ and He is redeeming our lives every day we walk in His will for us. This is a reminder that God promises to redeem all things and make all things beautiful in His own time (Ezekiel 3). So just as birds in the sky fly away and their passing becomes only a memory so will the things of this world. He will make all things beautiful and redeem all things in His time. For that is His covenant of grace and we are in that covenant with Him. His redemption and His covenant are finished.
Hallelujah!

"It Is Finished" by Dustin Kensrue 

Go Up

Once upon a time a girl picked up a guitar, a boy picked up a paint brush, someone else picked up a basketball and another bought a recipe book. This is how it all begins, one by one our curiosity finds our talents, our gifts and our interests. A girl or a boy can pick up a hallow wooden instrument lined with six strings and somehow make something that sounds beautiful to the ear. How is this? And how do we keep going?

"God created human beings; he created them godlike, reflecting God's nature."

-Genesis 1:27

"My Father is always at his work to this very day, and I too am working."

-John 5:17

The God I serve created us from dust. The world was nothing, empty and shallow, but He made the Heavens and Earth; all that is seen and unseen. He created humans and He created us in His image, to reflect His nature. If my God is a creator, I am a creator. God calls us to create, to accomplish, to do, to act and to be. Have you noticed humans thrive on productivity? We feel accomplished and proud when we can list off a number of the productive things we did in one day, right? That is because our God put that in us because it is in Him too! He produced the whole Heavens, Earth and humanity! He accomplished all that is seen and unseen. It is not wrong that we feel good and satisfied when we finish our chores or run our errands, it is something I believe God put in the heart of man. And laziness and complacency is from hell. 

If my God has put productivity in my heart, and my God has put creativity in my heart then to dream as an entrepreneur is also in my heart. That is because my God is an entrepreneur Himself! He created all that is seen and unseen from dust! Is that not what it means to be an entrepreneur? To make something from nothing? That is exactly what it is and that is exactly what my God did. 

This generation is full of creative Christian artists and entrepreneurs who need to realize that this is in their heart because we were made in the image of God and it is also His heart. It is His heart to constantly work, to continually advance and to make something from nothing. So to the girl who picked up the guitar and the guy who picked up the paint brush--don't quit. It is not from any selfish desire to succeed in music or art. If your art and music is to glorify God and worship then by all means, push forward with it and you can only go up from here. We are not called to a life of complacency, pick something up and go up with it! Get better with it, go farther with it, do more with it. . . Because once you start you can only go up form there.

And to the Christian entrepreneurs, your heart is aligned with God. Creating something out of nothing is exactly how our God works. 

To the fear in our hearts to pursue these things, get out of here! Often times we think, "I'm so scared to spend all my time on something that might fail." When Jesus came to Earth for the cross He was also an entrepreneur. He did not die for us so that He might profit in some way, He died for us because He wanted to give us the benefits of sonship. I am not saying start giving out free stuff, I am saying that He gave His whole self regardless of profit. That is what you should do.Whether it be guitar, painting, a sport, a job, a new business--be ready to give your whole self (if it is something you feel called to and care about) regardless of the profit. The way I see it you can either spend your whole self on something that might fail, or on something that already is a failure, like playing video games all day or working at a job you hate. 

The bottom line is our God is productive; He produces and He creates, that is why it is in our hearts. Our God also does not give up, He spent His whole self for what He loved and created everything out of nothing. If it is in your heart to start something from the bottom, up, then do it. Do it because once you start and put your whole self into it, you can only go up from there. 

Swimming Against the Current

"I can't figure you out, you've got more fight in you than anybody else. And here's the part where I start to to make my own damn decisions and make a name for myself."

- Never Be What You Want by We Are The In Crowd 

This is the rebellious and antagonistic side of us all. It is stubborn, cowardly and prideful. I have said those lines on my own so many times. I runaway and say I can do things on my own. I slam my fists on the table and say "I'll do this myself then." And it is so true, that I can't figure God out. He has more fight in Him than anyone else does for my life and my soul. He won't even really let me walk away! I kick and scream and claim I am running away, but He follows behind me all along and never forsakes me.

In this situation there are two natural qualities that really stand out to me. I am naturally rebellious and prideful, while God is naturally victorious and refuses to let us go. It is an instinct that dwells within my flesh to give up when times get hard--when things don't go my way. And I instinctively get angry at the situation, then at God and just want to throw the towel in. I want to punch, kick and scream then crawl into bed and cry myself to sleep. I think we have all had those days. If I didn't think so, I wouldn't be so honest about myself having those kinds of days.

God's natural quality in this situation is nurturing and sheparding. He remains with us. He holds us close, even though we are squirming against His strong-loving arms. His graceful and loving current is strong, and therefore we cannot swim against the current. We can merely try before getting swept off our feet and unwillingly thrust into His current again! 

Countless times I have "thrown in the towel", but God's love is strong. And His grace overcomes all. I cannot figure it out; it is so simple, yet mysterious! I have come to the part several times where I want to do things on my own and think I can make a name for myself. That is right before quickly realizing that the only name that can actually make a name for itself is that of Jesus!  

How beautiful, how marvelous, and how glorious that we can not swim away from our God even when we try. 

Hallelujah! 

Our Identity is in Heaven

A huge suffocator for a lot of people comes from a false identity. People believe that their actions define who they are. Therefore, when they make mistakes, they let their mistakes define them. Their mistakes become their identity and they may even believe that they are a mistake! Often times people look to their past for identity too because they believe that their past will determine their future. But we must open our eyes, we MUST! Because the world around is full of mistakes and past failures, but as Christians, we are not of this world so the faults of the world do not define us.

We live in a fallen world. We come from fallen people, broken and full of sin. That is who we are in this world--broken and fallen, but we are not of this world. We are not condemned by our sin. We are covered in grace. We have risen up with Christ from the grave and we are made new. Even better is we are with Christ in Heaven. Just because we live in a world of brokenness does not mean our identity is brokenness. Our identities are in the Kingdom of Heaven, because that is where God has placed us when we were covered in grace by Christ; He placed us in the Kingdom.  

Since we are really a part of the Kingdom then we are merely passing through this world. Who we are is spoken over us by our King in Heaven. He has the omniscient perspective; He is the Alpha, Omega and Creator of All. His perspective tells us who we are and we are His children. And He has invited us into the Kingdom of Heaven (spiritually) to be with Him. If we just ask He will reveal to us the way He sees us, as opposed to seeing ourselves through the brokenness around us. 

Matthew 7:7-8 "7 Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.8 For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened," when we ask God for His perspective He shows us! And oh man! It is a great perspective! Now I can tell you a surplus of general identity statements; like you are His child and you are the redeemed, but you should ask Him yourself. Because He will give you specific words that name you. He will reveal to you not just an identity, but a unique identity because he crafted each one of us differently for a special purpose. Do not be afraid to ask, for you are His child and He longs to hear your voice, "14b Show me your face, let me hear your voice; for your voice is sweet, and your face is lovely," (Song of Songs 2:14b). 

What is "Suffocating"?

A young girl walking home late at night is never a rational or wise choice. Nothing can justify this. This however, was her only way home, or so she thought, and so she continued to walk home. The young girl took all the same short cuts she would have during the day and found herself in an alley way with a man lurking in the shadows. As unaware and naive as she was, she was the perfect target he thought, for all the torture he could instill upon her. She continued walking through this alley with no suspicions what-so-ever when the man made his leap. He had two things for his torture, he had a plastic bag to suffocate her with and a knife to take to her skin. Let me mention though, that this man had no intention of death, only the intention of torture. I'll tell you too, he succeeded. So with the bag over her head and knife against the back of her neck, he would let her suffocate while gently cutting the back of her neck. Then he would suddenly give her a short breath and remove the knife right before repeating the same abuse again. This momentary freedom and false hope provided just as he had hoped--torture. The young girl was so close to death, yet so far in the midst of mere torture and only torture--the torture of suffocation and a sharp pain to accompany it. 

        She woke up form her nightmare in a sweat. She opened her eyes to find she had woken up to her own nightmare as reality once again. She was in all actually still the same young girl suffocating in her own thoughts and negative rhythms just as much as she was the young girl in her dream suffocating in a plastic bag--so close but still so far from death in both realms. She had discovered this place of suffocation when she landed upon the wretched shore of her parent's divorce years ago. This "island" was not a physical reality, but actually an understatement of her mentally reality. This was not a typical island however, because it was not a good vacation spot. And it was not romantic or adventurous; it was torture. Her boat had crashed ashore here in a sad, wretched, and treacherous way, She was not lying out, tanning in her pink polka dot bikini because she had an amazing body to show off. It was not sunny out and her boyfriend was not jumping in the ocean saying, “Come on in Honey, the water’s fine!” because the water was far from “fine”. And it was not sunny out. Perhaps it was raining?

         She did not think of her mental isolation as an island because it was tropical and pleasant or peaceful. The simple fact is that islands are isolated just as she was stranded in her own negative rhythm of thinking. She was completely lost and submerged in her own thoughts, ways, and problems. She was surrounded by all four sides—perfectly trapped. When she tried to swim away, she drowned. She would drown in more thoughts, specifically thoughts of the realization that she was truly trapped. It was all her mind and her own reality and there was not, and never would be, a way out, at least that is how she believed. Yet worst of all, as said before, it was not a sunny island. In fact, it did often rain. The storm clouds would come in at day break and last until her last blink before sleep. It was just a consuming sadness. Like your own skin. Can you peel out of it? No. So she could not get out of her own sadness. However you would like to look at it; being at the bottom of a deep hole and trying to climb out, drowning in an ocean and only continually bobbing up and down completely out of breath--or just trying to peel out of your own skin. Regardless, she was stuck, as simple and horrible as that.

         

So Much Grace, Like Soooo Much.

A girl's parents are away for the weekend and she decides to invite a guy, whom she is some-what interested in, to come over and watch a movie Saturday night.
This day and age we all know well that two people of opposite sex watching one movie together at night time and especially while parents are not home is just a bad way to start things off. And you'll see that holds true that it was a bad way to start things off in this story.
As most stories go, one thing leads to another--so this story goes that way too. One thing did lead to another which lead to, "No, please stop". This request was not respected. That request of "No," was not anticipated by the young man because he was not the one who had instigated this evening in the first place. This young girl, who had only had the intention of merely leading this young man on through manipulation for the sake of power, was now actually a victim of her own manipulation.
You can guess from here what I mean by victim, she said no, but he said yes. This society would blame the young man. This society says the young man raped this poor, innocent, and helpless young girl. So my question is this--if the young girl is so poor, innocent, and helpless why did she invite the young man over to a house where there are no parents, when it is night time to be alone with him. Surely this "young" girl is not so young she is simply naive. Even if she is naive, surely naive does not justify any of this story.

From here on out I want to just answer my own questions. My intention of this blog is to make you think, but not by asking you questions. I want to ask and answer my own questions to make you think so that I can prove a point, so that this can resonate on your heart, so that you can ultimately have grace for each gender no matter which gender you are.

This story is not played out by one person who played only one role. No, the girl played her role and so did the boy. No one is to blame, but both are at fault. There is power in manipulating a young-man to come over to your house late at night by urging him with the knowledge that her parents will not be home, and they're "going to watch a  movie". The girl is given the upper hand by manipulating the boy to come over, when he may know deep down it is wrong, and she attempts to continue to hold the upper hand when she says "No, don't go that far." The girl who was once the manipulator and held the upper hand then becomes the victim of her own manipulation and seduction. As this scenario plays out, the girl becomes bitter towards this boy and towards all boys. The boy becomes ashamed and feels condemned. There should not be bitterness or shame for either gender at any time.
This becomes a mad cycle of a girl feeling victimized then trying to become powerful again and a boy feeling ashamed and then repeating what made him feel ashamed because he feels he can not do any better. I believe I serve a God who forgives murders. I believe I serve a God who has more than enough grace for all the young men and women suffering in these cycles.
Girls: What if a man across the street whistles at you while you walk by? Should you feel victimized or disrespected? Perhaps that is disrespect, but you should know your identity is not based on young men around you trying to figure the same stuff out, but your identity is found in the kingdom of heaven where you sit by the throne of God who is enthralled in your beauty.
Men: I am a girl with a mad amount of grace for you. I have looked at men as monsters because of what some young men have done to me, but I repent and I apologize. Y'all have got society against you just as much as society is against women.

I basically believe God calls us to all have grace for each gender, because he has grace for each gender, like so much grace, sooo much.