Reading in Hindsight

It started when I was at my rock bottom. I was kneeling on the floor during a worship conference and it all started with one question, “Do you trust Me?”

“No, I don’t think so.”

“Well, will you go to Austin, Texas?”

“Yes.”

“Then you trust Me. And I won’t ask anything else of you until then.”

Now I’m here. I’m in Austin, Texas like I promised I would be. I don’t why or how I trusted God with this one thing, but I am so glad I did. So I graduated early, packed my bags and moved away from my family a week after school at only 17.

I’m so glad I did it. I’m so glad I came.

I know I’m not the same person I was when I came. I’m so glad I’m not.

I knew coming here would mean full surrender and full commitment. When I promised God at 16 that I would come, I was terrified of full surrender, commitment and being changed from the inside out. I knew I’d have to give up my life and my desires. I never thought I would be so ready and excited for it all when the time came. But I was. I was very enthusiastic about my move. Not just because I liked moving, but because it was a physical representation of leaving my old life behind and following Christ. My 16 year old self would’ve never imagined that just a year and a half later I would be so excited about following Christ. But I was. And I still am.

I’m still following Christ. He is still changing me and leading me every day. And right now I can feel him leading me somewhere else again.

Back to Colorado.

Back to where I came from.

I used to think Austin was it. Like moving here, surrendering here and being here was some kind of finish line. But there is something ahead so much greater than my one big leap of faith at 17.

Because that was only the firsts step.

Now I know there is always more. Always something greater. And I’m on an adventure with Christ. I’m following Him as He leads me to all the next great things.

He’s just writing my story. And I’m just reading. But I can only read it clearly in hindsight.

So here I am, reading this past chapter in hindsight. And I know it’s time to take another big leap of faith.

Going back where I came from will indeed be a big leap of faith. There are so many fears intertwined with going back. It will take bravery to leave this place and trust that it is God who did this work in me, not this city and not my church.

But if He is calling me out upon the waters again, I will go.