"I can't figure you out, you've got more fight in you than anybody else. And here's the part where I start to to make my own damn decisions and make a name for myself."
- Never Be What You Want by We Are The In Crowd
This is the rebellious and antagonistic side of us all. It is stubborn, cowardly and prideful. I have said those lines on my own so many times. I runaway and say I can do things on my own. I slam my fists on the table and say "I'll do this myself then." And it is so true, that I can't figure God out. He has more fight in Him than anyone else does for my life and my soul. He won't even really let me walk away! I kick and scream and claim I am running away, but He follows behind me all along and never forsakes me.
In this situation there are two natural qualities that really stand out to me. I am naturally rebellious and prideful, while God is naturally victorious and refuses to let us go. It is an instinct that dwells within my flesh to give up when times get hard--when things don't go my way. And I instinctively get angry at the situation, then at God and just want to throw the towel in. I want to punch, kick and scream then crawl into bed and cry myself to sleep. I think we have all had those days. If I didn't think so, I wouldn't be so honest about myself having those kinds of days.
God's natural quality in this situation is nurturing and sheparding. He remains with us. He holds us close, even though we are squirming against His strong-loving arms. His graceful and loving current is strong, and therefore we cannot swim against the current. We can merely try before getting swept off our feet and unwillingly thrust into His current again!
Countless times I have "thrown in the towel", but God's love is strong. And His grace overcomes all. I cannot figure it out; it is so simple, yet mysterious! I have come to the part several times where I want to do things on my own and think I can make a name for myself. That is right before quickly realizing that the only name that can actually make a name for itself is that of Jesus!
How beautiful, how marvelous, and how glorious that we can not swim away from our God even when we try.
Hallelujah!
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