Ecclesiastes 3:11

1) That's Mount Princeton on my back. It's one of the many >14,000 ft mountains in Colorado. One of the best views of Mount Princeton and it's two sub peaks is from Salida, Colorado. I grew up going camping each year in Salida, Colorado, we would stay in a trailer and drive 30 minutes from the trailer each morning to the nearest ski resort. When my parents got divorced we stopped going there every year. I was 6 or 7 when they got divorced, nine years later God has done a tremendous amount of redemption and restoration in my family that first broke when I was a little girl. Ecclesiastes 3:11 says, "God has made all things beautiful in it's own time." That proves to be so true in my life because of what I have seen God do in my family. My parent's friendship has been restored, my brother and I's relationship has been reconciled and I have two amazing step-siblings that I wouldn't trade for anything. God has and is making my family beautiful in it's own time.

2) This tattoo is on the left because you read a book left to right and the testimony it tells is just the beginning of all else God is going to do. Also, Ecclesiastes 3:11 says, "God has placed eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what He has done from beginning to end." The work God has done in the first 18 years of my life is just the beginning. It is a small part of all that God is and a small part of my whole life. Even though it is small, it is so glorious. So I should keep praising him for the past, but also keep looking forward to what he is going to do next. Isaiah 43:19 says, "Behold , I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?" This tattoo is so small on my much bigger back, but that's because the story it tells is so small compared to eternity and all of God's purposes.

STOP worrying. START dreaming.

"He is the original dreamer,"

- 'The Vision' by Peter Grieg

The Lord says: 'Trust My provision. Trust My protection.'"

The LORD is my Shepard, I lack nothing."- Psalm 23:1

'Call upon My Name! For I am yours, I belong to you. All that I have to give belongs to you!'

"And do not seek what you will eat and what you will drink, and do not keep worrying. For all these things the nations of the world eagerly seek; but your Father knows that you need these things. But seek His kingdom, and these things will be added to you. Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has chosen gladly to give you the kingdom."- Luke 12:29-32

The Lord continues: 'Don't put your expectations in man! I will finish the hopes, expectations and dreams I put in your heart!'

 "Delight in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart."- Psalm 37:4

“. . .Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”- Philippians 1:6

'There is no faith without risk. I am the One who called you here. I provided the way for you to get here and have been your provision here. Don't stop now! Even if you took a wrong turn, do you really think I wouldn't follow you to come after you? Not just to make sure you're okay, but yo bless you and work there with you!'

“For we are laborers together with God: you are God's field, you are God's building.”- 1 Corinthians 3:9

'Why would I ever leave you alone? It is my promise to never forsake you. My promises do not change! I am "Emmanuel"-"God with you"! I was with you every time you really took a wrong turn!'

"So He told them this parable saying, "What man among you if he has a hundred sheep and has lost one of them does not leave the ninety-nine in the open pasture and go after the one which is lost until he finds it? When he has found it, he lays it on his shoulders, rejoicing. And when he comes home, he calls together his friends and his neighbors, saying to them, 'Rejoice with me, for I have found my sheep which was lost!"- Luke 15:3-6

'When you were running in the opposite direction of Me I sent My best in after you - Jesus and the Holy Spirit - how much more so will you have My best of the best when you are trying to follow Me?'

“He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all--how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?” - Romans 8:32

'I brought you here! Now you get to explore this land you let Me take you to! My best will always be with you. In fact, this place I have brought you to is My best of the best for you! I will always give you My best of the best! All of Me loves all of you-  I am infinite, I will never run out and My love is unchanging!'

"I will declare that your love stand firm forever, that you have established your faithfulness in heaven itself."- Psalm 89:2

“Cause all of me, loves all of you.” - ‘All of Me’ by John Legend

So it is; we should stop worrying because God is our Shepard guiding us and giving us the best of the best. But is it enough to just not worry? No, God wants us to dream! And to create! To explore, discover, adventure and co-labor with Him for the glory of the kingdom!

“For in him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things have been created through him and for him.” - Colossians 1:16

“Then God said, "Let us make mankind in our image, in our likeness,” - Genesis 1:26

Having been made in the image of and likeness of the Creator of the universe it is only natural that we can and should create too! And we should dream big dreams! Because God can do the big things and fulfill the 'impossible' dreams!

 "Don’t be overwhelmed. He’s beautiful, he’s capable. He’s bigger than your dreams—exceedingly, abundantly.” - ‘Don’t be Overwhelmed’ by Sean Feutch

"He said, 'Look at you, worrying so much about things you can't change. You'll spend your whole life singing the blues if you keep thinking that way,' He was trying to skip rocks on the ocean, saying to me, 'Don't you see the stralight, starlight? Don't you dream impossible things?' . . . Ooh, ooh, he's talking crazy. Ooh, ooh dancing with me. Ooh, ooh we could get married. Have ten kids and teach them how to dream!" - 'Starlight' by Taylor Swift

The craziest thing about that cheesy T-Swift song is that there's a better version, and true version, of it in the Bible. Say whaaaaat? 

“Abram was ninety-nine years old when the LORD appeared to him again . . . I promise that you will be the father of many nations . . . Abraham bowed with his face to the ground and thought, “I am almost a hundred years old. How can I become a father? And Sarah is ninety. How can she have a child?” So he started laughing . . . But God answered: No! You and Sarah will have a son. His name will be Isaac, and I will make an everlasting promise to him and his descendants.” - Genesis 17:1-19

Rocky Mountains Born and Raised

When I was in 7^th grade I would raise my hand in class and ask if I could go use the restroom. I wouldn't really go to the bathroom. I would walk to the doors at the end of the hallway and stare out the windows. I would stare out at the mountains far away and the neighborhood right in front of me. I hated it all. I associated the beautiful Rocky Mountains with all of my family’s tragedies. I would stare out at the street roads and daydream about running away. I would think; Maybe tonight I’ll pack a bag with money, clothes and food to runaway tomorrow. I never did runaway, but for years I wanted to out of bitterness towards my family and the mountains.To the right is the view I grew up with from my back porch (stunning, I know). I know it’s not the mountain’s fault my family was so broken, I never really thought a mountain could be to blame. I guess I always just wondered what it would've been like if I had grown up somewhere else. Maybe if I had grown up on a beach my parents wouldn't have gotten divorced, naive to think, I know, but I was young and naive. So that’s what I thought, and that’s why my bitterness towards my broken family was associated with the mountains. Countless times throughout middle school and high school I dreamed of leaving and never coming back. I wanted to get out of that town and be done with my past. My eighth grade year I thought that one day when I finally got to leave it would be like revenge towards my ex-step-mom. I always thought to myself; One day I’ll drive away and never look back, just like she did to me and my dad. During my junior year of high school I had a somewhat serious boyfriend. I told him I wanted to move after high school and he never really believed in me because he wanted to get married and live in the mountains together. When we broke up I remember thinking; I’ll get out of this town just like he never thought I could. Countless times my dreams of leaving Colorado were about bitterness.

The last 6 months in Colorado before I moved to Austin God completely redeemed my heart towards my home town in Colorado; Colorado Springs. I am beyond proud of where I come from. The mountains are beyond beautiful and I am love with my family—no matter how broken. Today I am on a plane headed back to Colorado Springs to visit my family and I could honestly cry because I am so filled with joy to visit my home town. My heart is literally jumping with excitement in my chest in excitement to see Pikes Peak! If that is not redemption, I don’t know what is. I used to cry when I looked at Pikes Peak and I would think; I hate that stupid mountain. I never would've dreamed God could redeem my heart and family so much; but He really has! And I am in awe!

Rainbow Lily!

My rainbow lily tattoo started with the desire for a tattoo of a rainbow. As I laid the desire for a rainbow tattoo at the feet of Jesus, he slowly transformed my vision for the tattoo. It started with the desire for a rainbow because of a rainbow's beauty, but also because of what they represent. Rainbows represent God's promise not to flood the Earth again and his covenant with his creatures, "And God said, 'This is the sign of the covenant I am making between me and you and every living creature with you, a covenant for all generations to come" (Genesis 9:12). Rainbows also symbolize redemption. After a fierce storm a rainbow always comes out to make the sky beautiful again; the rainbow redeems the storm and when God flooded the Earth it was his attempt to redeem mankind. Other revelations I have about rainbows go on and on:
God told me I am a rainbow because I am redeemed.
There are seven colors of a rainbow and we live in a seven day week because the Earth was created in seven days (including the day of rest, I know) and so God does not redeem some of creation or some of our lives, but all, all seven days!
Our sin is like the storm that God redeems.
God wanted to rescue mankind and make them holy again, that's why he flooded the Earth. But he also wants to cherish us, that's why he promised never to flood the Earth again.

So those are most of my rainbow revelations and all that rainbows mean to me. The beginning of transformation for this tattoo was during my time serving on the kids team one Sunday at church. I was coloring with a little girl and wanted to draw her a flower. So I asked the little girl what her favorite color was, she looked up at me, bright-eyed and grinning she said, "All of them."
I had been praying so much at this point about my tattoo idea, so you can imagine my joy in hearing that response. I took it as a reply from God that he approved of me getting a rainbow tattoo and then I proceeded to draw the little girl a rainbow flower.

During worship in the next service it occurred to me that I could get the rainbow I wanted in a flower, to me this was the Holy Spirit. And so I could picture it in my head; a rainbow flower tattoo . . . But what kind of flower?

Well I wasn't sure what kind of flower just yet, but I already knew what a flower in general meant to me, so I started journaling about them during service. I wrote that flowers represent life, and beautiful life. They symbolize growth and roots. Then I thought of this verse, "The grass withers and the flowers fall, but the word of our God endures forever" (Isaiah 40:8). That made me think that a flower tattoo would not wither because a tattoo is forever on my skin just as the word of God is eternal and does not perish, (I know that tattoos don't stay perfect forever because our skin ages, but the point is it's there forever).

At home I went onto Blue Letter Bible and looked up flowers in the Bible and the most common flower in the Bible is a Lily! So I instantly decided on a lily without know what they meant for sure yet. When I did finally look up what a lily symbolized I learned two major things: lilies represent purity and the Lily of the Valley in Song of Songs 2:1 is sometimes a symbol for Christ.I was stunned when I learned they represented purity! The word 'purity' pretty much sums up the season I've been in for the past four months. My mind was set, I would get a rainbow lily tattoo.

So the rainbow means a lot on its on and so does the lily. However, together they mean several other things. The rainbow represents promise and the lily represents beautiful life, so it is a promise for life and life abundantly (John 10:10). Another way is represents life and life abundantly is because God doesn't just forgive our sin for us to try on our own again, it is not like pulling all the weeds out of a field and then letting the weeds grow again. God pulls out our weeds, our sin, to make us clean again and then plants a beautiful garden--that is grace, freedom and abundant life!
The rainbow came after God flooded the Earth in attempts to redeem mankind and Jesus was the Lily of the Valley who has redeemed mankind, so in a sense a rainbow lily is the story of a Father's love to redeem us and make us holy again!
The rainbow represents a covenant and the word of God stands firm forever, unlike flowers of the field but a tattoo flower is forever, and so together that represents that my covenant with God is unchanging and will not wither.
The colors of a rainbow are beautiful and flowers bloom brand new again each year just as God makes us new and beautiful over and over again!
Sometimes I get a new meaning for it each day. Yesterday it meant freedom. I was looking at it in the sunlight and it was at its brightest. It reminded me of how when we live in the light of Christ we are at our best; in the light of Christ we are truly free and truly alive.
Today it reminded me of prayer. In Heaven there is a rainbow over the thrown of God (Revelation 4:3) and Jesus (Lily of the Valley) is at the right hand of the throne of God interceding for us (Romans 8:34)) and so today it inspired me to be heartfelt about all my prayers.

So to sum it up, this little rainbow lily means to me grace, freedom, redemption, rescue, love and prayer.

I would not be surprised if this one little tattoo had a new meaning every single day for the rest of my life. Our God is infinite, he will make it infinitely meaningful.

Little, Rebel Sheep

Rebel Sheep-
Why do you cry?
Put down the blade,
Put down the razor.
Take your finger 
Out of your mouth.
Rebel Sheep-
Wipe your tears,
Rebuke the lies
And insecurities.
Rebel Sheep-
Do not suffer any longer.

You're suffering-
Already taken.
You're punishment-
Already bestowed upon.
Your faults, 
Your mistakes,
Already dealt with.

Rebel Sheep-
The taken suffering,
Is not taken by you.
Rebel Sheep-
The punishment,
Was not bestowed upon you.
Your faults, 
Your mistakes
Not dealt with own your own.

Rebel Sheep-
You have missed the beauty
In the unbeautiful.
You have missed the delight 
In the pain.
He had no beauty.
He had no majesty.
He of suffering,
He of pain-
Has taken it all.

The lies,
The insecurities,
The suffering,
The tears at night,
The chill of loneliness.
The blade,
The blood, 
The cuts.
The bruises
On your knuckles.
He took it all away.

By his wounds,
We are healed.
By his suffering,
We are forgiven.
We are made new.
We are free.

Oh, Rebel Sheep-
You are just Little Sheep,
You are Beautiful Sheep,
You are Innocent sheep.

What was painful,
What was tearful,
What was crimson red, 
Is white as snow.

Oh Little Sheep,
Come home.

Come home,
Your debt is paid.

New Blog Coming!

It's about depression. 

It's about how depression will suffocate a person.

It's about stopping depression and suffocation. 

It's about prevention.

It's about preventing suicide.

It is about hope. 

I can not promise someone hope without promising them Jesus, because Jesus is hope and hope is Jesus. Authentic and pure hope that real people need comes from Jesus and ONLY Jesus.

It's about loving the unlovable.

It's about grace.

It's about patience. 

It's about prayer. 

It's about the love of a Father and a Savior.

It is John 13:34.  

"A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another."

Stop Suffocating. Prevent it. Because there is HOPE. 

Redemption of Family and Songs

      I started writing lyrics around the same time my parents got divorced. I was 6 or 7 when they got divorced and I started writing songs as soon as I was capable of writing at all. I know I was young because I remember writing songs as young as third grade. But also because every now and then when I clean out a closet I find tarnished pieces of paper with 2nd grader chicken scratches; words that are far from spelled write, but very phonetic. I had melodies, verses, choruses and bridges. I didn't have those names for it, but I left several spaces between a few lines of words at a time. I remember the day I learned the word "Chorus" and I was soooo excited to finally have a name for the section that was always repeated three or four times in a song ( because "the section that is repeated multiple times" is way too long a name). I also remember the days I learned the words 'verse' and 'bridge'. When I didn't know the word 'verse' for sections 1 and 2 I called them 'parts'. There was 'part 1, 'part 2' and 'part 3' was typically the bridge. With every new word I was ecstatic to finally have a name for the things I was already writing. I also remember when I learned how to say, "I write lyrics" instead of, "I write words for songs". So the point is I've been writing lyrics for quiet awhile and since I was very little.
     I don't think it's any coincidence that Is tarted writing lyrics right after my parent's divorce. Sometimes I wonder if I would've ever started writing if my parents hadn't gotten divorce. I think I would've because I am sure that something else tragic would've happened at some point to spark it, but I think it would've just been a lot later on. I think I needed that tragic experience to begin writing. I think the depth of emotion I felt at such a young was so deep and complicated I had no idea how to express it. I think I picked up a pen and paper and started writing words (that were not at all spelled correctly) and suddenly the words sounded more like singing in my head than talking. I remember I wrote about vague mysterious things that I didn't really understand, writing stuff like "I look up at the stars and wonder". It's like my subconscious knew that everything going on around me was too big and great for me to understand, but I think I also had some idea that everything going on around me was somehow controlled by something even more greater that I couldn't understand. I'm not a children's psychologist so I don't know what was really going on my head, especially my subconscious. I just know what I remember. And I remember writing about things I didn't even understand. I remember being in third or fourth grade and writing about break ups. That doesn't even make sense, I had never been through one. I think I just knew that sometimes things don't work out in life; sometimes puzzle pieces that look like thy fit together really don't. I think that's how I saw my parent's divorce; as some vague, mysterious concept I didn't understand, I just knew that two people who looked like they went together all of a sudden no longer did go together.
    I believe that my parent's divorce was like a key to unlock a box of many songs. I think something tragic that I didn't understand had to open up a box inside me to start writing. Because it was something tragic that had to unlock that box many of my songs since then have been sad. I also struggled with depression since my parent's divorce. Through elementary school, middle school and high school I have felt things on a ridiculously deep level. A splinter could feel like a third degree burn. So then I would write about my splinters like they were third degree burns. By that I mean if a guy didn't like me back in middle school, I could go home and write a song about it as if I was going through my first heart break and break up.
    Now I'm going to start getting to the bigger point of this story; redemption. For me; in my head, my life, in my perspective I believe that my song writing has redeemed my parent's divorce. Today it is redeemed, not in middle school when I was writing about depressing stuff. You see my parent's divorce lead to me feeling something so deep I couldn't understand it at a young age, so I started writing. The divorce also lead to my depression though so my writing became pretty sad and complicated stuff. Today in my walk with God he has completely redeemed my song writing. And because my song writing is redeemed, so is my depression and my parent's divorce. Actually, each of their other divorces are redeemed too. My dad got remarried when I was in sixth grade and my mom got remarried when I was in 8th grade. I saw both divorces coming because of all the fighting. My dad got divorced at the end of 8th grade and my mom got divorced the end of my Freshmen year. With so much divorce and fighting I believe that just continued to keep my song writing in the dumps. I didn't believe in love for years because of all that happened in my family.
    So the redemption is this; for years I didn't believe in love because of what happened in my family, today I write love songs for Jesus because of what he has done in my life. I used to write dramatic break up songs in middle school and high school because I felt everything on such a deep level, today I write lyrics about the depth of God and his faithfulness. It's amazing that when I doubted love, trust and faithfulness the most God showed me his unconditional and everlasting love, faithfulness and trustworthiness the most. Today I write songs that redeem my past and my family's history. I am raw and real with God because he understands my past.
   I wrote a song called 'You Have Me' when I was a Freshmen and I had my mom's and dad's second divorces in mind when I wrote it. The first verse says,
"In this world people come and people go, but I don't wanna be the one to go. God I want to stay with you."
Then I write, "Promises are broken, but yours are never broken. And I don't want to be the one to break. I want you to have me wholeheartedly."
   I am writing about my step-mom and step-dad coming and going during the re-marriages and second divorces. I'm talking about broken marriage vows when I write about promises being broken and God knows that because he sees my heart. He knows my family's history and better yet he understands. It says in Hebrews 4:15 that Jesus emphasizes with us. How wonderful! This song in itself redeems so much that I went through; people coming and going because of broken promises. All the people that came and went and all the broken promises used to make me bitter; I thought I would always do the same things, walk away and break promises. But Jesus understood my pain and redeemed my heart! Today the coming and going and broken vows make me stronger! They stir in my heart a desire to never walk out on someone I am committed to, especially Jesus. And they give me a burning desire to stay true to any vows and promises I make; especially my vows to Jesus.
    I believe I had to go through something tragic that I would feel to a depth I didn't understand for my music box to be unlocked. I think God purposely gave me a music box to be unlocked. I think in a 'Perfect Earth' (like the Garden of Eden in Genesis 1) God would've unlocked my box in an un-painful way, but we don't live in that 'Perfect Earth'. So when God saw that my parents were going to get divorced he decided to use it for good and turn me into a lyric-writing-machine. At first my songs weren't worship for him, they were sadness and bitterness. But even sad and bitter songs can sound beautiful. A sad situation can be redeemed through a beautiful sad song, but God wanted to take it farther than a beautiful sad song. So he redeemed my heart and my writing, so now I write worship songs for him. But because of my past, my songs are more personal they would've been without a sad past. They aren't just "Holy, Holy, Holy is the Lord God Almighty" (there is nothing wrong with that), but I can speak to God personally through my music and he understands me. My broken past that I am still overcoming some days just gives me an opportunity to be closer to God in different ways because God is in the brokenness and beautiful redemption comes from brokenness and hurting. Also, because I felt such sadness on a deep and intense I can now feel God's love and glory on that same deep and tense level.
    This is living redemption. We serve a God who redeems. Hallelujah.