What I learned in Children's Church . . .

In Children’s I learned Jesus loves me.

In Children’s Church I learned God will never leave me.
I learned to bow my head, fold my hands and say ‘Amen’.
In Children’s Church I learned what it means to follow Jesus,
To give up everything else just for Him.
I learned Jesus died and rose again, all just for me.

In Children’s Church I learned what it was like to be the stranger in the room,
But I learned how to make new friends.
I also learned how to be the friend of a new kid.

In Children’s Church I learned how to be a leader.
I learned to take care of others, put others first and listen to others.

In Children’s Church I heard a whole bunch of stories from the Old Testament,
And I heard all about the miracles Jesus did in the New Testament.
And I learned Jesus could do miracles in my life too.
They told me that even all the stories even had Jesus in them too,
But he was in the background waiting to come for us.

In Children’s church I learned to play.
I learned to include others.
In Children’s Church I learned to be competitive.
In Children’s Church I learned how to work as a team and play as a team.
I learned how to have team spirit.
But I also learned to play fairly and to not be a sore loser.

In Children’s Church I learned how to tease my friends and even the leaders
And in return I also learned how to take a joke.
I learned how and when to say I’m sorry.

I learned to forgive those who hurt me.

 In Children’s Church I learned to worship,
To raise my hands in surrender and to open my palms to receive blessings.
In Children’s Church I learned to ask for prayer.
I learned it’s ok to need help and it’s good to pray with others.

In Children’s Church I learned how to answer all the hard questions
Because after a story it’s not just about what someone’s name was or what they said,
It’s about why and how it relates to my life now.

In Children’s Church I learned to accept Jesus into my heart,
And I learned what that means.
It means Jesus is alive inside of me.
I learned that means I’m living by His spirit and not by sin.
And yes, I learned what sin is and learned what it means to live by God’s spirit.

I learned to have fun,
Because even on the days I didn’t want to be there I found something I really enjoyed
And I knew Jesus was there with me.

In Children’s Church I learned I’m not the only one with an older brother who picks on me.
In Children’s Church I learned we all problems at school and we all have problems in our family,
But God is there for us all working in all the situations.

Children’s Church has made us all who we are today
I’ve grown so much,
I wouldn’t be the same without it.

On Christ the Solid Rock I stand.

Let it sink deep and let it flood wide that I am yours and you are mine.

. . .

This depth and width can not be revealed through emotion. It is not emotionally based, it is not based on how we feel or how we don't feel. And that's why it's peace. And there we will have joy and peace that is unshaken no matter the circumstances.

There is nothing deeper than the truth that all of me is God's and the Son came just so that all of me could be God's and he could give me all of Him. Nothing is deeper, nothing is wider. Not even emotions. That's why it is not emotion based. Emotions are fleeting. This truth so deep ans so wide is not fleeting and it is unchanging. It is solid like a rock, surpassing all circumstances. That's why we stand on it. That's how we're content in it.

Dear Melanie,

I'm proud of you. It's hard to make decisions about where to live. It's hard to choose between two groups of people and two completely different places. You were brave to come out here and you're brave to go back. I can't imagine. It's hard, it's so hard to pick something. I'm realizing how brave you are because I think I'm moving back to my family in Colorado too. Not now, but in June after my internship. It's hard though. I'm scared to death. I'm scared of losing everything I've gained here. I'm 100% a different person than when I moved here. Literally 100% different. I can't imagine going back to a place that was so spiritually suffocating. But I know if God wants me there for real, it won't be spiritual suffocating.
I came to Austin for a church, you came for a job. And I can't imagine how hard that would be to come here without knowing you had a church family here. My whole family is in Colorado, but it's hard to imagine going back without knowing there's a church family there for me. But as I type this I'm convicted bc I know there is one. God will provide if that's where he really wants me *sigh* so that has to settle me and steady me.
I'm scared of becoming who I used to be again. "Who I am hates who I've been". Ha. Classic Relient K line :)
But really, that's what I'm scared of! Uh, convicted again. I have to trust God's work in me. I have to trust. I have to. Or else I'll never follow God in life, I have to have faith and I have to trust.
So this is it. I think God is calling me back to Austin. And so I'm realizing you're brave Melanie. Because this is hard, really hard. Wish me luck.

Reading in Hindsight

It started when I was at my rock bottom. I was kneeling on the floor during a worship conference and it all started with one question, “Do you trust Me?”

“No, I don’t think so.”

“Well, will you go to Austin, Texas?”

“Yes.”

“Then you trust Me. And I won’t ask anything else of you until then.”

Now I’m here. I’m in Austin, Texas like I promised I would be. I don’t why or how I trusted God with this one thing, but I am so glad I did. So I graduated early, packed my bags and moved away from my family a week after school at only 17.

I’m so glad I did it. I’m so glad I came.

I know I’m not the same person I was when I came. I’m so glad I’m not.

I knew coming here would mean full surrender and full commitment. When I promised God at 16 that I would come, I was terrified of full surrender, commitment and being changed from the inside out. I knew I’d have to give up my life and my desires. I never thought I would be so ready and excited for it all when the time came. But I was. I was very enthusiastic about my move. Not just because I liked moving, but because it was a physical representation of leaving my old life behind and following Christ. My 16 year old self would’ve never imagined that just a year and a half later I would be so excited about following Christ. But I was. And I still am.

I’m still following Christ. He is still changing me and leading me every day. And right now I can feel him leading me somewhere else again.

Back to Colorado.

Back to where I came from.

I used to think Austin was it. Like moving here, surrendering here and being here was some kind of finish line. But there is something ahead so much greater than my one big leap of faith at 17.

Because that was only the firsts step.

Now I know there is always more. Always something greater. And I’m on an adventure with Christ. I’m following Him as He leads me to all the next great things.

He’s just writing my story. And I’m just reading. But I can only read it clearly in hindsight.

So here I am, reading this past chapter in hindsight. And I know it’s time to take another big leap of faith.

Going back where I came from will indeed be a big leap of faith. There are so many fears intertwined with going back. It will take bravery to leave this place and trust that it is God who did this work in me, not this city and not my church.

But if He is calling me out upon the waters again, I will go. 

'A true war story has no morale'

I just watched a movie where 4 out of 5 of the main characters died a brutal death. And of course as in any good movie, I was already in love with all the main characters as if they were people I knew personally. Safe to say, it was not an uplifting movie. But I should have seen that coming when I realized it was a WWII movie.
I've read and am re-reading a book called 'The Things They Carried' by Tim O'Brien. It's a book full of the author's personal war experiences from Vietnam. He quotes a close friend of his saying, "A true war story has no morale."
I didn't understand that until I watched this movie.
I was so thrown off when the movie ended with one main character surviving, alone. God brought me to that movie tonight and so of course at the end I couldn't help asking why. I asked, "What was the point? Why did you want me to see this? That was horribly depressing."
The movie didn't even go anywhere in the end. . . And that was the point. The point was there was no morale. And that hit me like a ton of bricks.
4 out of 5 main characters died. The characters I was already in love with. And the one I loved the most, survived. He survived alone and traumatized. And that's the point. The main character didn't go anywhere. He came in the beginning of the movie feeling defeated and hopeless. Then he left the same way.
Despair, hopelessness, heartbreak, bitterness, anger, depression-all of it. It doesn't go anywhere.
And that's what hit me tonight like a ton of bricks.
This morning I had a conversation with friends about the head knowledge I have that knows God's joy and peace is deeper and wider than any sorrow. But it's not deeper. It is just deep. Because there is no depth to sorrow. None at all.
Sorrow, despair, hopelessness, heartbreak, bitterness, anger, depression- none of it has depth. It's flat. It's thin. It's shallow. It's not less deep, because there is no depth at all.
It's repetitive.
It's repetitive because it's shallow.
It just doesn't go anywhere.
So what was the point of the movie? It didn't even go anywhere. It felt hopeless at the beginning and the end. Sure there was some rise and fall in between. But ultimately, it went no where.
And that was the point.
It was God's way of slapping me across the face. . . Gently, of course. . . To tell me that my sorrow, my despair, my hopelessness-everything I'm addicted to and comfortable in-it's all shallow. It all goes nowhere.
Nowhere except for death.
But Jesus came so that we could have life abundantly. How is it abundant? Because His life is deep! And it is wide! And joy and peace are deep and wide. It will all flood our hearts if we let it. It will take us deeper than we could ever swim on our own.
Or we can spin round and round in our own hurricane that goes nowhere.
It's why people like Taylor Swift write the same songs on every album about different people. Her heartbreak is shallow. So naturally, it is repetitive. It's ultimately going nowhere.
But we don't have to go nowhere. We can go some where.
In fact, the director of this movie is a Christian. One of the main characters was a strong Christian man. The movie had Christ references through out and Christian beliefs and morals.
I'd be really interested to know what the director meant for the point of the movie to be. But it just goes to show how infinite God is. One thing He creates can speak in so many different ways. It doesn't matter what the director meant. The movie did something in my heart, because God used it for his purposes to prevail. How? Because God is infinite.
God is not flat. He is not shallow or thin. He is not repetitive. He is not in a box.
God is deep and wide. He is vast and breathtaking. He is infinite. If we follow him, where we go will always have purpose.

Ecclesiastes 3:11

1) That's Mount Princeton on my back. It's one of the many >14,000 ft mountains in Colorado. One of the best views of Mount Princeton and it's two sub peaks is from Salida, Colorado. I grew up going camping each year in Salida, Colorado, we would stay in a trailer and drive 30 minutes from the trailer each morning to the nearest ski resort. When my parents got divorced we stopped going there every year. I was 6 or 7 when they got divorced, nine years later God has done a tremendous amount of redemption and restoration in my family that first broke when I was a little girl. Ecclesiastes 3:11 says, "God has made all things beautiful in it's own time." That proves to be so true in my life because of what I have seen God do in my family. My parent's friendship has been restored, my brother and I's relationship has been reconciled and I have two amazing step-siblings that I wouldn't trade for anything. God has and is making my family beautiful in it's own time.

2) This tattoo is on the left because you read a book left to right and the testimony it tells is just the beginning of all else God is going to do. Also, Ecclesiastes 3:11 says, "God has placed eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what He has done from beginning to end." The work God has done in the first 18 years of my life is just the beginning. It is a small part of all that God is and a small part of my whole life. Even though it is small, it is so glorious. So I should keep praising him for the past, but also keep looking forward to what he is going to do next. Isaiah 43:19 says, "Behold , I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?" This tattoo is so small on my much bigger back, but that's because the story it tells is so small compared to eternity and all of God's purposes.

STOP worrying. START dreaming.

"He is the original dreamer,"

- 'The Vision' by Peter Grieg

The Lord says: 'Trust My provision. Trust My protection.'"

The LORD is my Shepard, I lack nothing."- Psalm 23:1

'Call upon My Name! For I am yours, I belong to you. All that I have to give belongs to you!'

"And do not seek what you will eat and what you will drink, and do not keep worrying. For all these things the nations of the world eagerly seek; but your Father knows that you need these things. But seek His kingdom, and these things will be added to you. Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has chosen gladly to give you the kingdom."- Luke 12:29-32

The Lord continues: 'Don't put your expectations in man! I will finish the hopes, expectations and dreams I put in your heart!'

 "Delight in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart."- Psalm 37:4

“. . .Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”- Philippians 1:6

'There is no faith without risk. I am the One who called you here. I provided the way for you to get here and have been your provision here. Don't stop now! Even if you took a wrong turn, do you really think I wouldn't follow you to come after you? Not just to make sure you're okay, but yo bless you and work there with you!'

“For we are laborers together with God: you are God's field, you are God's building.”- 1 Corinthians 3:9

'Why would I ever leave you alone? It is my promise to never forsake you. My promises do not change! I am "Emmanuel"-"God with you"! I was with you every time you really took a wrong turn!'

"So He told them this parable saying, "What man among you if he has a hundred sheep and has lost one of them does not leave the ninety-nine in the open pasture and go after the one which is lost until he finds it? When he has found it, he lays it on his shoulders, rejoicing. And when he comes home, he calls together his friends and his neighbors, saying to them, 'Rejoice with me, for I have found my sheep which was lost!"- Luke 15:3-6

'When you were running in the opposite direction of Me I sent My best in after you - Jesus and the Holy Spirit - how much more so will you have My best of the best when you are trying to follow Me?'

“He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all--how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?” - Romans 8:32

'I brought you here! Now you get to explore this land you let Me take you to! My best will always be with you. In fact, this place I have brought you to is My best of the best for you! I will always give you My best of the best! All of Me loves all of you-  I am infinite, I will never run out and My love is unchanging!'

"I will declare that your love stand firm forever, that you have established your faithfulness in heaven itself."- Psalm 89:2

“Cause all of me, loves all of you.” - ‘All of Me’ by John Legend

So it is; we should stop worrying because God is our Shepard guiding us and giving us the best of the best. But is it enough to just not worry? No, God wants us to dream! And to create! To explore, discover, adventure and co-labor with Him for the glory of the kingdom!

“For in him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things have been created through him and for him.” - Colossians 1:16

“Then God said, "Let us make mankind in our image, in our likeness,” - Genesis 1:26

Having been made in the image of and likeness of the Creator of the universe it is only natural that we can and should create too! And we should dream big dreams! Because God can do the big things and fulfill the 'impossible' dreams!

 "Don’t be overwhelmed. He’s beautiful, he’s capable. He’s bigger than your dreams—exceedingly, abundantly.” - ‘Don’t be Overwhelmed’ by Sean Feutch

"He said, 'Look at you, worrying so much about things you can't change. You'll spend your whole life singing the blues if you keep thinking that way,' He was trying to skip rocks on the ocean, saying to me, 'Don't you see the stralight, starlight? Don't you dream impossible things?' . . . Ooh, ooh, he's talking crazy. Ooh, ooh dancing with me. Ooh, ooh we could get married. Have ten kids and teach them how to dream!" - 'Starlight' by Taylor Swift

The craziest thing about that cheesy T-Swift song is that there's a better version, and true version, of it in the Bible. Say whaaaaat? 

“Abram was ninety-nine years old when the LORD appeared to him again . . . I promise that you will be the father of many nations . . . Abraham bowed with his face to the ground and thought, “I am almost a hundred years old. How can I become a father? And Sarah is ninety. How can she have a child?” So he started laughing . . . But God answered: No! You and Sarah will have a son. His name will be Isaac, and I will make an everlasting promise to him and his descendants.” - Genesis 17:1-19