On Christ the Solid Rock I stand.

Let it sink deep and let it flood wide that I am yours and you are mine.

. . .

This depth and width can not be revealed through emotion. It is not emotionally based, it is not based on how we feel or how we don't feel. And that's why it's peace. And there we will have joy and peace that is unshaken no matter the circumstances.

There is nothing deeper than the truth that all of me is God's and the Son came just so that all of me could be God's and he could give me all of Him. Nothing is deeper, nothing is wider. Not even emotions. That's why it is not emotion based. Emotions are fleeting. This truth so deep ans so wide is not fleeting and it is unchanging. It is solid like a rock, surpassing all circumstances. That's why we stand on it. That's how we're content in it.

Dear Melanie,

I'm proud of you. It's hard to make decisions about where to live. It's hard to choose between two groups of people and two completely different places. You were brave to come out here and you're brave to go back. I can't imagine. It's hard, it's so hard to pick something. I'm realizing how brave you are because I think I'm moving back to my family in Colorado too. Not now, but in June after my internship. It's hard though. I'm scared to death. I'm scared of losing everything I've gained here. I'm 100% a different person than when I moved here. Literally 100% different. I can't imagine going back to a place that was so spiritually suffocating. But I know if God wants me there for real, it won't be spiritual suffocating.
I came to Austin for a church, you came for a job. And I can't imagine how hard that would be to come here without knowing you had a church family here. My whole family is in Colorado, but it's hard to imagine going back without knowing there's a church family there for me. But as I type this I'm convicted bc I know there is one. God will provide if that's where he really wants me *sigh* so that has to settle me and steady me.
I'm scared of becoming who I used to be again. "Who I am hates who I've been". Ha. Classic Relient K line :)
But really, that's what I'm scared of! Uh, convicted again. I have to trust God's work in me. I have to trust. I have to. Or else I'll never follow God in life, I have to have faith and I have to trust.
So this is it. I think God is calling me back to Austin. And so I'm realizing you're brave Melanie. Because this is hard, really hard. Wish me luck.

Reading in Hindsight

It started when I was at my rock bottom. I was kneeling on the floor during a worship conference and it all started with one question, “Do you trust Me?”

“No, I don’t think so.”

“Well, will you go to Austin, Texas?”

“Yes.”

“Then you trust Me. And I won’t ask anything else of you until then.”

Now I’m here. I’m in Austin, Texas like I promised I would be. I don’t why or how I trusted God with this one thing, but I am so glad I did. So I graduated early, packed my bags and moved away from my family a week after school at only 17.

I’m so glad I did it. I’m so glad I came.

I know I’m not the same person I was when I came. I’m so glad I’m not.

I knew coming here would mean full surrender and full commitment. When I promised God at 16 that I would come, I was terrified of full surrender, commitment and being changed from the inside out. I knew I’d have to give up my life and my desires. I never thought I would be so ready and excited for it all when the time came. But I was. I was very enthusiastic about my move. Not just because I liked moving, but because it was a physical representation of leaving my old life behind and following Christ. My 16 year old self would’ve never imagined that just a year and a half later I would be so excited about following Christ. But I was. And I still am.

I’m still following Christ. He is still changing me and leading me every day. And right now I can feel him leading me somewhere else again.

Back to Colorado.

Back to where I came from.

I used to think Austin was it. Like moving here, surrendering here and being here was some kind of finish line. But there is something ahead so much greater than my one big leap of faith at 17.

Because that was only the firsts step.

Now I know there is always more. Always something greater. And I’m on an adventure with Christ. I’m following Him as He leads me to all the next great things.

He’s just writing my story. And I’m just reading. But I can only read it clearly in hindsight.

So here I am, reading this past chapter in hindsight. And I know it’s time to take another big leap of faith.

Going back where I came from will indeed be a big leap of faith. There are so many fears intertwined with going back. It will take bravery to leave this place and trust that it is God who did this work in me, not this city and not my church.

But if He is calling me out upon the waters again, I will go.